Never Gonna Say Good-Bye Part I

Never Gonna Say “Good Bye”

Part I

            It was two month since I felt there was a strange thing of him. I felt that we were not seeing each other even though we were always close. I did not know him now. His behavior, his attitude, his way of speaking, all of him was so different. And felt there were differences on his voice. I do not know why they were felt so different. I felt there were long distances between us, even we were so close, even though he’d always beside me.

            “Venn,,,,,” Kevin suddenly stood behind me. “Will you have some classes after this? Do you have some events?”

            “Nope, what’s up?” I try to be kind to him, smiling as I turned my body behind, so I could see him now.

            “Follow me, please!” he said miserably. He looked serious. I thought about there were something had happened.

            “Where is it? You look serious” I tried to know.

            “It’s not serious, but so serious. Please,,,,,” I smiled as I saw his funny attitude.

            “Ok,Ok,,, but, don’t be stiff like that. It makes me reluctant. Keep smile, please!” I tried to make him smiled. Recently Kevin looked so stiff. He was so different one.

            “Ok, thank youuuuu very muuuuch” he looked very happy with my answer as he gave a pinch on my cheek. I could make him smiled. J

            “ouuuwwchhh,,, stop, OK!!” I pretended that I got painful.

            “Let’s go!” He grabbed my hand, bring me to the parking area. As we reached the left side of his car, he opened the door for me. Without voice, just by hand sign, he asked me entered the car, with smile. I smiled as I followed his instructions in order to make him not disappointed even though my brain still thinking curiously.

            I tried to keep my eyes on the road, trying to find the answer where he would bring me to.

            “Where will we go, Kevin?” I asked him, breaking the silence, because I did not like this situation.

            “Don’t call me KEvin! You can call me “Vin”, but don’t take the two first words.” His expression had changed. It was making me confused. I’d just not understand him.

            “Why?” I asked him rather loudly. It might make him surprised. I knew it.

            “I’m sorry,” he said miserably. “My name is CALvin, with three other words before VIN. C-A-L VIN. I’m not Kevin who always be there whenever you needed support. I’m not K who always entertain you whenever you sad and lost your way. I’m not Kevin who had last meeting with you last two months. I’m just trying to keep my promise to him, to accompany and keep you save for this two months, and bring you to him.”

            DEG!!! My heart stopped beating at this very moment. “last two months”. Yaps, up to this two months, I felt that him seemed so far from me.

            “I bring you to Gelsenkirchen. May be we will reach there next three hours. If you are tired, sleep well, please!” I felt his hand on my hand, shuddering me with the simple touch.

            I really spoke with the different boy, I knew it. And I felt that his last words were from his own. It was different from his words and fake attitude for this two months.

            I could not blink my eyes as we reach a wide beautiful yard which was spread in front of an enormous house. I could not wonder how very awesome and luxurious this house with its Italian architect.

            “Let’s go inside!” Calvin said while holding my hand. I followed his stage until we reached beck garden of the house.

            “You’ve finally arrived here, Venny, haven’t you?”

            DEG!!! It was like Kevin’s voice which always I wanted to hear recently. But, the voice was very weak.

            “Yap K, I bring Venny to you,” Calvin said behind me.

            “Thanks,” Kevin said weakly, still sitting on his wheeled chair, turned his back on me. I returned my body, I embraced him unconsciously. There was a middle-aged woman beside him. I guessed she was her mother.

            “Mom, please,” Kevin asked to the woman, that actually his mother. She pushed the chair toward me and Calvin. I was really upset with this view.

            “I’m sorry Venn…,” Kevin said as he reached my place. My body was chatter, I tried to prevent my tears from falling, but I could not. I embraced him unconsciously. He looked very weak on his wheeled chair. He was not as strong as his time before. He was very thin, I guessed I could call him skinny. His face looked so pale with his sorrows.

            “Don’t cry, Venn. I’m good. I will be better soon. I will back to you,” He said it to entertain me, ”let me know your beautiful face.” He continued his words then fondled my whole face with his skinny fingers. My tears could not stop from falling at this very moment, moreover faster than before, regaining consciousness that he could not see wit his eyes like normal human. That was caused he wore glasses on his eyes.

            “You look more beautiful, Venn. All praises to God who created your face beautifully. I’m very happy for there beside you this time.” He said with his smile face, yet that was not entertained me. “Hey, don’t cry, dear. I will be sad if you’re still crying. Keep smile for me, please!” Kevin wiped my tears with his thumbs.

            “I’m so sorry, Vincent. I promise I won’t cry again. I promise I will always smile for you. But you have to promise too that you will get well.” I tried to stiff.

            “Good, girl,,,” he smiled, “I love you very much. I love you from the bottom of my heart.”

            I started to smile this time, suddenly Kevin covered his nose with his right hand. It appeared that there were too much blood flew from his nose. His nerves looked so tautened.

            “I’m sorry, girl. I must bring him to the hospital right now. Pray for his safety.” His Mom said, pushing Kevin’s wheel chair. I could hardly stand on my feet at this time. I’d almost fell down.

            “Hey, are you ok?” Calvin immediately stood behind me, propping up my weak body to stand up.

            “Yap, don’t worry, just get a little headache.” I answered weakly.

            “Don’t worry about everything. Let’s go! I will accompany you to the hospital. We have to follow them as soon as they go.” I followed him quietly. I’d never realized that Kevin had got such illness. I’d never realized it.   

            I was sitting sadly in a squatting position next to a grave that’s still new.

            “Be patient, good girl! Don’t be sad. Kevin will not get calm and quiet if you are still sad and upset of his gone, “ Kevin’s mom said to me while slapped my shoulder. Without waiting my response, she went out, leaving the funeral ground that had been quiet.

            “I’m sorry, Vin. Will it be alright if I’m leaving now? I promise not to forget you and our memories. I won’t forget memories between you and I. I promise it.” I said quietly in front of his grave.

            And now, just me my self who was still there in the funeral. Without any spirit, I stood up and left the funeral. I felt I had lost my soul. I walked unconsciously, without any carefulness that there was a man in front of me.

            DUG!!!

            “Aaaww,,, Kevin!” I said unconsciously.

            “Sorry, I’m not Kevin, but Calvin.” I took up my head as I got my consciousness.

          “Upps, sorry, I’m not giving any carefulness. I’m still thinking of ………..,”

          “Ssshhh, calm down, please. I also apologize because made you shocked,” he said quietly as he put his index finger on my lips. Then, he grabbed my shoulder with his strong hands. “This is for you, from K,” he gave me a letter with a blue sky envelope covered it. I immediately opened it.

Dear, Venny…..

              Actually I still want to be with you, accompany you whenever you need someone beside you. But, may be for now I can’t be with you anymore. I still want to be there, beside you, give you courage and support to continue living your life. But I can’t, Venn….. Forget me if you want to forget me.

              Keep spirit always and do not always upset on your past sadness, although without me beside you, because actually I’m still there in your heart. You still have long time to live. Please keep live your life and keep smile for me. I’m sure that you can.

              Thanks a lot for everything that you gave to me. Thanks a lot for loving me during this time. I love being loved by you. I really love my life very much because it gave me you, who always love me. If I had to choose whether to breathe or to love you, I would use my last breath to tell you that I love you. And, I’m sorry I can’t support close by you. I always love you until the day after forever, Venn…

                                                                                                                              With love,

                                              Kevin Schvann

           

My dried tears falling again this time, moreover it fell down faster than before. Calvin immediately embraced me tightly in to his delighted embrace.

            “You can cry if you will. I will always give my shoulder to you as your leaning,” Calvin caressed my head, “ don’t be too sad. There are many people still love you, such as me. I promise I will always keep you save as I can.” He entertained me.

            “But, that was just your promise to Kevin for two months. That was just your promise to your twin for a moment.” I still cried on his embrace.

            “I actually had promised like that to K. But, it is really coming from my deepest heart now. I…I just feel very protective of you. I really love you, Venn. This feeling come from my deep heart, not from the other. It is from my own. Ich Liebe dich von ganzem herzen, and I’ve never felt so much love before. Let me to keep you save. Let me to keep around you without any words of good bye.”

            “…………” I still kept silent with the tears brimming from my eyes. Might be he saw my tear-streaked face.

            “You may not love me like I love you. You may not care for me like I care for you. But, if you ever need me, I will always be around for you, Venn. Let me try it. Let me there beside you even though I can’t replace Kevin in your heart.” He kept glancing at me with a worried expression on her face. But, I knew that he was also hurt by Kevin’s leaving. I knew that he pretended to be strong in front of me. I could see tears building up in his eyes, but he always got success to wipe them before they fell down.

            “Do not ever say good bye to me, Vin…” I said weakly. Just those words that could come out from my lips. I couldn’t say anymore.

            “I promise it to you and K. I’m never gonna say good bye, because I never wanna see you sad. I never wanna see you cry again, Venn. I never let the tears fall down from your marvelous eyes. I promise.” He held me tighter in his embrace.

            I still kept quiet in my silence. I tried to realize it. I didn’t know why I felt so calm in his embrace. But, the most I thought this time is about my life and Kevin. I promise K, I would always keep smile for you. I would always keep living my life for you, and might be someday for Calvin, your beloved twin. I was never gonna forget you. I was never gonna forget our memories, memories between you and I. I promise. Thanks for loving me. Thanks a lot for giving me your love and helping me find the sun. I would always keep you in my heart. J

  Written by,

  Hariratuz Zakiya’

 3213103073/TBI 4C