Written by : Kuni Nailal Maghfiroh
When I sat
in 6th grade, my parents expected me to continue my studied at
boarding school. It was so great was their hope on me. And finally, I would do
what they wanted. Although I was rather disappointed because I've had ever
tried to enroll in faforit school and I had accepted there. But I couldn’t do
anything. I followed my parent’s desirability because God’s blessing is
depended on parent’s blessing (In a verse of Al - Quran). Besides, my parents
wanted their childs can explore the science of religion and general knowledge.
On my
boarding school, today was very gloomy cloud. Weather rather cloudy. A light
breeze there. But I was as a student
must still carry out activities as usual. I went to school of islamic
at five thirty , then formal school at
seven thirty. That was my activities every day.
Time has
passed, I have entered the third grade in senior high school. It was a
classroom that full of challenges and fun for me. When I was studying in the
classroom, suddenly there was a new teacher who was walking with one of my teachers. But, I did not really see him
carefully. My Friends were so noisy with the arrival of the new
teacher. One of my friends said to me that “ look at sista ,,,,,,, a new teacher is very handsome at all" .
But, I didn’t think so. I was just so so.
I responded with indifference. "Who is the new teacher's name?" Shofa
said. Then, my other friends replied "Ruri his named".
Holiday
was coming. All of the students came back on their house self. My friends asked me to send message
to him. I agreed about it. Starting from a message, I used to communicate with my new teacher ( Ruri
). I also did not understand why I was so little interested with him. I
was communicating with him several times, I knew little things about him. Actually, he
was also the son of one of the owners of the foundation at a prestigious
school. He took his study at State University of Malang . Then, he also taught at STAIN. I was so surprise when I heard about it.
However, he was loving me. And I asked myself ? Is this love? But this is impossible
for me. Because he was my teacher. He always assured me that he was loving me
just the way I am. I was so confused. In the end, I couldn’t reject him because I
have had the same feeling toward him. "my heart rebel "
”Then he
replied “ Yes, I’m sure. I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your
fantasy.I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
Because you’re the only girl who comes early in my heart. You’re all that i
need. Will you marry me?” he replied his questions.
He often makes me hate. Because he always
compared me with my other friends. My relationship with him got a little
problems. He often made a mountain of molehill. I was ever gotten told of him
when I was wearing pants that so tight.
This event, when I was told to play to
the his friend’s house.
Actually, his friend was also one of the lecturer here. He spoke to me with
hard words . As if my relationship with him would have been broken. And I knew
that he has a mulishnes.
After
reading those sentence, my heart was so painful . Only a little
problems that could be discussed as well but he was a die hard.
Then, I decided not to continue my relathionship with him .
"Why
not? I still care to you ". He replied.
"Ruri
had got married, Naila ...." My friend said.
No more light that shines in my days. No more
month that emits my heart dark .there was no more singing the beautiful
seagulls adorn my day. Only motivation
from people arround me who love me. That's all I have right now. God
knows whatever we need, not whatever we want. And only god who can dispose. No one can escape the destiny of all the Gods. I'm
sure one day there is someone who
can restore my spirits again. And I believe that one day there is someone who can close my eyes when my heart was so
sleepy. In the last, I know what it means by love. Love is one big illusion as
we try to forget all of about it.
END
My Lecturer Vs Me
In the middle
of the hot sun shining on the earth, I wanted to write something that could
be make a future story. I was born into an ordinary family. My father worked as
an entrepreneur and my mother as a housewife. I have one brother. And he always
helped me. I have had an amazing dream. Since I wanted to pride of my parents later. Everyone also hope
want to be about it, and so do I.
As an the
lastest child, I always obeyed my parents' desirability . I was including a
little spoiled child. Therefore, my brother always defered to me.
Whatever things that I wanted , my
parents always gave it althought no matter how small it . One time, when I
wanted to buy the tapes of "AAC" which at that time famous once
again, I cried because my parents were not bought it immediately. That was me.
I always asked for something without looking at the situation and conditions.
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After the
announcement of the final exam, I
prepared my physical and mental condition to continue my school in a new
life. I was considering any reasons,
then I chose to continue my school at a boarding school. There are no
friends from the house. There was a stranger, because I was still the new
child. I tried to adapt in my new environment. I tried to get acquainted with
the senior there. finally I got along very well.
One day, I had
a close friend. Named rizky . She comes from Lampung. My parents put down as of
her like their daughter. She always maked
me laugh. She was very generous with me. When I was in trouble, she always
helped me.We helped each other like a sibling.
In the morning,
I started going to school like other students. I was entering a new class, new
friends and new condition. Here, I got to know the meaning of a struggle to
seek knowledge. So far from the people whom
I loved and I began a new life with new
people that I care too. I was trying to learn of simple live and accept all of
what it was. I did any ardouos things with myself and tried not to complain to my friends. Since, I would
get a new experience of it.
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My boarding
school was famous institute because of strategic
location. My boarding school has a reliable educations and included the famous
cottage in East Java area. Firstly, I
did not like to go on private school but,
over time I was very proud of it.
Since I was in junior high school, I joined the student council in
an organization. From there, I learned a lot of about life socializing with
their surroundings and understood the organization. Besides, I was having so many friends. When I was in
junior high school, I have appointed to be chairman of the council candidates.
But, in the end I failed in the
election. So, I got a meaningful of life that “failure is the beginning of
success” .
When in high
school, I was active in the
organization. One day, I have been asked by my friend, named Kiky.
" What
you're not tired of taking care of the student council?" Said Kiky
“ Why be tired,
because all of the thing that we do with keenness, it will be easy, right?” I replied "
"
eemmm,,,, I think so, but don’t you want to go out from your organization.?"
She replied cynically.
“I will be
battling for this organization and never give up whatever those problems there.
“ I repied proudly.
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After that, I
have met him several times and muttered to myself. "It was true whatever my friend’s said about him. He was so handsome
boy”. my heart said. But I tried to take it easy when I met him.
Although, there was some curiosity about
him.
When I was
walking with my friend, He sat on the chair of school office. Suddenly, he called me. I was astounding about
it. I only smiled in front of him. He knew about me from my other lecturer
there. He was always teasing me. Sometimes, he invited me to go for walk
with him. I didn’t know what he meant. But, I was taking colly with him.
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He has an ideal
posture, eye appealing, curly hair and brown skin. His house was also not far
from my boarding school. The thing that makes me surprised that he was carrying
out the pilgrimage. He was an admirable man. He often stayed at my boarding school. From that time,
emerge a little thing that was love in my deepest heart.
He always
called me and lady’s man to me. When he called me, he always asked about my condition, about what I had done and
soon. Suddenly he asked me.
“ I love you so
much” he said
“what??? I
didn’t hear what you said. Pardon please,,,, “ I replied
“I really love
you just the way you are and I must be faithful to the last” He said
“I don’t belive
whatever you say, because you have more things than me” I replied
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“I accept your
adoration from the bottom of my heart, sir” I answerd again.
I accepted his
love because I really believed whatever he said. I think that only God who can dispose. When I have been with him, I felt so happy. I can
feel that love is so marvelous. Because love can give me spirit and power.
Besides, I had got more motivation from him obviously.
Some time, when
I was in a relationship with him I felt a little bit awkward. He often asked me to go for walk with him. But, I always refused his allurement. I did not know why my deepest heart was evasive
when he asked me. He had changed of my life to be better. My love with him
can’t decrease my love into God. But, my love with him can increase my love into God. So, I thought that reality
of love is the match of two heart that given by God. And loving to precise man
will not decrease our love into God. Yet, it will increase our love into God.
One night, he called me. He asked me to marry with him
after I was entering in second semesters
in university. I was be uncertain about it.
I asked him
“are you sure that you will be my man now and here after?
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So, I answerd”
Yes, I will”.
I was so happy when I heard his statement. As
if I was in the sky and I star – studded. I do love him more with every breath truly madly deeply.
Until I couldn’t discribe about it because
this feeling was so crazy for me.
Holiday was up.
I came back in my bording school. The graduation would be announced by my headmaster.
The headmaster informed that every student passed. I was very happy. Then we
held the graduation party.
After I
graduated from high school and then I was entering in university. I chose State
Islamic College of Tulungagung because, it place was near from my house. Here, I often met with him. When in the first
semester, he taught me at one of my lessons. I became depressed. Because he
taught the lesson that was not my favorite lessons. But I always tried to study
hard in his lessons.
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After that
events, I pull sock up and mend ways. Besides, I always looked for the way to
repair my relationship with him. But, he unresponsive with me. When I send message to him, I tried to solve the
problems and explain about it. But, He replied my message“ Don’t send message to me again, I heat you”. I didn’t know what should I do. I was crying all day. Just do it.
My relationship
with him had broken. When we met each other on campus, we did not greet each
other at all. Just looked and stony - face . “ I’m sick of you " my
deepest heart said. Althoght, I felt if I’m not to live anymore without him.
After a few
months later, I was entering the third semester. My relationship with him came
back. And we go through everything with a known good state. We often called,
then send a message one another. We
forgot all of things that had happened . After two weeks later, my relathionship
with him had broke up again. I was so tired to face all of the problems.
Because of my relationship with him is unclear. The last sentence of him "I've been not felt like in touch with you. So do not call me anymore
" .
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The leaves
spread arround in the street that I passed it. The Birds flying as if they were free to enjoy the
natural surroundings. But, not to me. I felt there was something missing in my deepest heart. I still had carried out my activities with friends. I
always try to pass about
it with beautiful day although I often see him at campus.
Actually I want to say hello and talk about our problems as well. But, I can
not do anything.
When we send
messages on social sites (facebook) each other, I asked him. " Have you got Married, sir?" I said.
"Yet, I'm still waiting for you."He replied. I felt so happy because he still hoped me.
On Thursday
night, suddenly he sent me a message. I did not know because I had gone to bed
early. When I openned my
eyes at midnight then, I looked my handphone there was a message from him. My
Feeling grew up again.
I thought that there was a great hope for me to continue my relationship with him again.
Day after day
time passed away. I entered at four semesters. Although I do not often associate with him, but
my feelings never change. I still expect him to be my boyfriend. I gonna miss him wherever he is. On Friday afternoon, when I did my assigment with my friends, he sent the message to me. Then I replied. I asked to him
again.
"Do you
still care to me" my question.
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I felt very
anxious because I was
confused about his attitude. He always said that he was still concerned about
me, but he did no show any concern to me. The
relationship was unclear again.
And I feel that I like being played by him.
Today I felt so
unhappy because I had a lot of assigments to do. Almost all of my lessons made me dizzy. Besides, I had to teach childrens at home and I had to do my
assigment. So it was very hard to live. But I have to run everything with
sincerity as to achieve a beautiful dream in later day.
Intuitively, I
opened his facebook. His friends said to him " Happy wedding sir,,,, I hope you’ll have a happy family ". I was so
shocked. Is he really married? With whom? Why did not he tell me? What is the
reason? he said he still care to me? But, why did he marry with someone else?
My heart was hurt so much. I was
confused. I did not know what to do. And it was impossible for me if I asked him directly.
On Wednesday,
after I had finished the lessons, my friends and I went to town to find out the truth. I thought that he celebrated his wedding in one of the resorts in
Tulungagung. I'm tired of looking for the truth. And all of it was useless.
My friends and
I came back at homeself. After I had arrived at home, one of my friends sent me a message.
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"Really?
Who said? When did? "I replied with shed tears
"I did not
know when. But he had got married to someone else." My friend replied.
Oh God,,,,,,,
my heart was so broken.I didn’t not know what I should do.I almost lost my life . My friends were supporting me and encouraging
me. But I still could not think clearly. At night, my other friend told me that
he was married three weeks ago. My heart was very sore to accept it. My eyes filled with tears. There is only a big question in my mind. "He was really
married or not??".
“Making beautiful memories of the past as in life and
turn it into a story of my life on later”.
Just those word of it that exists in
my mind. I was trying to rise from adversity that I had experienced. I tried to
spread a smile to people around me.
Whatever will be will be. Although, my heart was very parched, lonely and
empty. My heart mumbles “You're the one who said it all,
now you're the one who make it stop
and I'm the one who's feeling dust right now. Now you want me to forget every
little thing you did”.
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